When people compliment me on my complexion, I can't help but smile. They have no idea what it means to me.
I have battled numerous skin diseases throughout my 19 years. Eczema, acne, and allergic reactions just to name a few. But these are all passing nuisances, really. Fairly easily treated with medication and tender loving care. They vary in severity, but I've always known that no matter how much my body itched, or how disgusting I felt, that it WOULD eventually go away.
Not anymore.
Two years ago, I began noticing some spots developing on my chest and sides. I passed them off as moles (though that didn't make any sense, because neither of those areas have seen much daylight. I've never worn anything that would expose the affected areas.), and continued with my life. A few months later, I went in for a standard dermatologist appointment, and decided to mention the spots to him. He took a look, and before I knew it was diagnosed with a skin disorder reserved for men and women 2 or 3 times my age.
There is no cure. There is no prevention. Science has made no effort at researching this particular disease, as it is associated with old age. Try explaining that to a 17 year old who was just trying to get ready for prom.
I have now had 7 tumors cryogenically removed, but I find more every week, and sometimes daily. At times they'll grow rapidly, and at times they'll remain as small as when they first appeared. They are now on my breasts, sides, back, neck, and stomach. And there's one thing that I know for sure: they haven't stopped coming. And will never stop coming.
I told a good friend of mine and when they asked to see I obliged without hesitation. They first words out of their mouth were "Ew". Those are the words I hear every time I look in the mirror when I get dressed in the morning. When I rub my hand along my curves and feel them, I can't help but feel that same sense of revulsion my friend felt.
I don't know why I have what this disease, but I don't think it really matters. What matters is that I have chosen to look past these scars on my body, and look in the mirror with pride and dignity. I won't listen to any more voices that would tell me anything different than what I firmly believe: I am beautiful.
Friends, YOU are beautiful. Beauty is so much more than skin deep, make-up deep, shoe deep, or fashion deep. It is that smile that you wear in the morning that says "I am beautiful. I am confident. I can do anything I set my mind to.
Beauty is so much deeper than skin. I hope you can see that.
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